Strategizing for the Holidays in the Time of Covid-19
© Carly Rothman
It is that time of year once again when we gather together with family and/or friends. This year, like most of the past six months, is going to be a challenge for everyone. The holidays are normally very stressful as we juggle shopping, planning, traveling, family, and working but this is not a normal year. However, with a little diplomacy and planning we can do what we are comfortable with doing.
For those who celebrate the High Holy Days and Rosh Hashanah, you may have already dealt with this dilemma posed by the coronavirus. Still, there will be several more family gatherings once so easily planned but now so complicated. As a friend pointed out, “how do we gather and for the sake of all, be protected and not spread this virus?” We know how important to our sense of well-being it is to be with family (Pew Research Center, 2017). Yet, we are thinking about the ongoing dissent about what is safe and how to be cautious. How do we, as non-medical people, decide what degrees of risk we are willing to take? How do we, based upon our own knowledge of other family members’ behavior, decide what to do? Below are some ideas for decreasing your stress by “strategizing” now:
Create a plan
If you are the host, decide what your expectations are by creating the guidelines for guests to follow. Masks? Physically distancing? Hugging? Deciding now will help alleviate discomfort and avoid difficult conversations later. Let your guests know in advance what your proposed ideas for hosting the event are and be open to listen to their responses, keeping in mind what is safe and comfortable for everyone.
If you are the guest, ask in advance what the host expects. Do not expect that the host will appreciate your dictating what you want if it differs from their decisions. The choice to participate or not will be yours, based upon your needs and their guidelines.
Language is important
If you decide not to be a part of the gathering, discuss your decision with the host in a nonjudgmental way. A personal call is preferred over email or texting. Use the “our” more than “I” in your response. Avoid using judgmental statements, rather by seeing it as a collective response like “It is in our family’s best interest this year to avoid traveling this holiday season.”
Try to keep the message positive by inserting how much you will miss this year’s gathering but look forward to next year’s. Then, keep that attitude whenever discussing it with other family members so the message is consistent and kind. Be respectful of the choices others may make that differ from yours.
Creative connecting
As we move into the holidays, try to see the challenges as new ways to connect with others. Use Zoom to bake together, open presents, the before dinner cocktail, and even, play games together. Dr. Valie Wright with the American Psychological Association has noted how these gatherings are often times of reflection so using Zoom or video call when each person expresses what they are grateful for can bridge the moment to others not physically there to receive their thoughts.
If a personal gathering is planned, other people are opening up to renting large spaces so physically distancing will be easier. Some will stay at hotels near relatives and find ways to gather in a garage with a heater. Others are planning to gather outside later around an outdoor fire. Traveling by car is seen as less risky over air travel but then the risk factor of the physical gathering is still present. Whatever your decisions are for this year, try to remain hopeful that in the future, our lives will be somewhat back to normal and we should be able to gather in person once again. Hope is our resilience as we move forward.
Susan Todd-Raque, M.A., M.S.
