What Makes a Good Marriage
© Susan Todd-Raque
Marriage has been around as long as human existence. But like most cultural traditions, change is inevitable. For many centuries the primary reason for marriage was to produce offspring for help with the land. Today, there continues to be many differences between cultures as to how marriage is viewed. In many Eastern cultures marriages continue to be arranged, with no formal dating or “getting to know” someone. Worrying about the decay of marriage is not just a Western phenomenon. In a 1990’s in researching Africa, Amy Kaler (2001) concluded: “the invention of the past filled with good marriages is one way people express discontent about other aspects of contemporary life”.
In the United States there was a period from 1947 thru the early 1960’s when never before in our history had so many people shared the experience of choosing their own mates and setting up their own households. Never before had married couples been so independent of extended family ties or influence. Due to the economy and corporate growth, more married couples moved away from their hometowns and families of origin. This lack of proximity has had a major impact on marriages and young families. You may not want to be next door to your parents or in-laws but being within earshot can be supportive. Advice from those who have experienced life and marriage can be invaluable.
So, here are some words of advice I have gathered over the years and I should also say that the ingredients of a loving and long lasting marriage in reality have not changed over time:
– Complimenting your spouse daily.
– Compromising is always a part of any long-term successful partnership.
– Making sure you are working on your friendship with your spouse. (For men it is often pushing yourself to share with your wife; for women it is most often appreciating a man’s need to hibernate.)
– Tolerance of your partner’s imperfections goes a long way because no one is perfect.
– The ability to fight fair with each other, the goal being resolution of conflict, not to initiate or prolong the conflict.
– Your relationship is the role model for your children’s future relationships.
– Set aside one night a week for you and your spouse…together alone.
I will discuss in depth each of these points in the future but I would also like to add my own advice: To be thankful for what you have.
