Handling Bad Memories
© Susan Todd-Raque
Several years ago around this time of year, one of my patients was talking about the upcoming holidays. We began talking about early memories. She recalled one of her early bad memories. When she was 6 years old, she had her heart set on Santa bringing her a special gift. While she said she appreciated the other gifts she got the memory she clasped onto was about the baby doll she did not get. She went on to say she now sees this bad memory with some perspective and this memory no longer determines the spirit of her Christmas. She has not forgotten but she moved on. She has learned not to let that one bad memory remain the patchwork for the thought that she never gets what she wants.
Bad memories obviously don’t just happen around Christmas, many people wake up every day to bad memories. Any of you reading this article suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from a severe trauma know for sure what I am talking about. Every person traveling through life experiences has both positive and negative memories. After all, it is our memories, good and bad that weave our lives into our uniqueness. I recently read an article stating that pharmaceutical companies are actually working on drugs that would alter or even erase negative memories. This is indeed a scary thought. While no one wants to see others suffer from the awful things that have victimized them, it is from some of my bad memories that I pushed myself to become who I am.
Growing up with an alcoholic, abusive father, I have plenty of bad memories stored on my “hard drive”. Fortunately, with a loving mother and siblings combined with years of working hard in therapy, there are many more happy and positive memories that have not replaced, but have drowned out the negative memories.
As a psychologist I often ask a new patient to tell me about one of their happiest memories growing up, followed by telling me about one of their saddest memories.
Some struggle to come up with anything bad or good.
