Dr. David Raque &
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Grow Closer: Atlanta’s Couples Therapists Speak |
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Read Susan’s latest article, Strategizing for the Holidays in the Time of Covid-19 |
Susan and I have now been married for over 25 years. Whether married or unmarried a relationship takes work. In the beginning, what most recognize as the infatuation or the love is blind stage, with an energy that requires no work. Things just happen and one another’s faults are basically invisible or ignored. Sexual attraction is strong and often making love is not just sex but figuratively a way couples in love solve problems. We have all heard there is nothing like make up sex. Whatever issues were causing a fight or argument, making love is like magic fairy dust and all is forgiven.
As the relationship grows over time, and this is different for every relationship, gradually each other’s faults become like little stains. It’s not like the stains can’t be removed, but they begin to be recognized and if ignored become more difficult to remove. The sex frequency does diminish for most couples as this stage emerges, and with not as much frequency of making love, couples begin quarreling or picking at each other. When a relationship begins to morph into this phase we refer to as “fault finding” and this is when the work part really begins. This is always an important variable that Susan and I try to help the couple identify when this stage began. If the couple can get to therapy before this stage takes hold, the chances of a quick recovery are much greater. It’s like when you feel the symptoms of a cold coming on, you have in the beginning a better chance of gearing up your immune system to fight it. In a relationship the couples’ immune system is each person being able to get in touch with what qualities, besides physical attraction, they fell in love with in the beginning and then to work on compromising.
Our approach to couples therapy is based on research. While many have researched how to make a marriage work, Drs. John Gottman and Julie Gottman have probably done more research than most. We believe that the Gottman’s reference to the Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling are essential to assess early on in our work with couples. The way we assess these issues is fully addressed in the first session. We also use the Gottmans’ relationship questionnaires to help us assess the state of the marriage from a more objective perspective. What we bring is our own education and experience with intimate commitment in an age of external influences such as children, step-children, ex-spouses, work, social media and the internet.
To provide clarity, below is how the first four sessions are set up. Prior to the first visit each person is asked to sign a consent to the assessment and any future treatment by consenting to truthfulness. Without truthfulness any attempt to repair a relationship is significantly hindered.
| First Session: | Meeting with David Raque, PhD and Susan Todd-Raque, MS in Psychology, for 90 minutes. This is the overview of presenting issues from each person’s perspective. Questions are asked to help clarify the relationship conflict. |
| Second and Third Sessions: | Each person meets individually with both Susan Todd-Raque and Dr. Raque for one hour to obtain more specific background information about their family and/or other relevant information. |
| Fourth Session: | The fourth session is the one hour long feedback session with all present. During this session we will provide the couple with a treatment plan based on our assessment, and the completed questionnaires. This plan will be specific and depending on our assessment we may recommend future sessions as a couple or if there are circumstances we may feel relationship counseling is not recommended at this time and would refer each person for individual therapy if they do not already have an individual therapist. If we recommend continued therapy with us we will provide a detailed description of what we will try to teach each partner to change not only to repair your relationship but most importantly to take these newly learned skills when you complete the therapy and integrate them in the future to help your relationship to continue to thrive. |
The fee for Couples and Relationship Therapy is $210 per 55 minute session
Couples and Relationship Therapy Intake Form
Please print and complete this form for Couples and Relationship Therapy with Dr. David Raque and Susan Todd-Raque, M.A., M.S.